But what is love? It is the intense affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Have you ever had that kind of love for anyone? Or been loved by someone like a spouse, your parents, sibling, or a friend? We all want to be loved unconditionally with no strings attached. It means acceptance and contentment in our relationships with others.

I’ve spoken to hospice patients who have been married for 40, 50, even 60 years.  Often I ask, “What has been the secret to your long marriage?” Most of the husbands responded first by talking about being content, having peace, and love. We have a lot to learn from the generations before us. Maybe we could pass along a Valentine Treasure…

Valentine Treasures

Valentine treasures are people who
have often crossed your mind,
family, friends and others, too,
who in your life have shined
the warmth of love or a spark of light
that makes you remember them;
no matter how long since you’ve actually met,
each one is a luminous gem,
who gleams and glows in your memory,
bringing special pleasures,
and that’s why this Valentine comes to you:
You’re one of those sparkling treasures!

By Joanna Fuchs

If you work in hospice, then you know that we are in the business of love. Loving our patients and their families. Showing grace, mercy, and compassion for those who are at the end stages of life is love. Even when loving them is not easy and challenges you at every level. The greatest example of someone who loves, comes from the Love Chapter in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

Do any of these characteristics describe you? In what ways can we grow in our personal lives to show more unconditional love?

The following blog is written by a beautiful, spiritual woman from the inside out. She is passionate about compassion and everyone who knows her, knows it.

Beverly Robinson - Assistant Administrator

What an honor!

I have worked for Solaris for almost 14 years and in just about every capacity-nursing, medical records, billing, QA, referrals, compliance, and assistant administrator. I think about all of the stories we could tell from over the years, but mainly I think about what an honor to take care of someone at the end of their life and what a difference it can make in not only the patient’s life but in our own.

Hospice is not a word to be afraid of but a word that brings service, comfort, understanding, and education to people with life limiting illnesses.

Over the years, many people, upon hearing that I work for a hospice, have a surprised expression and ask, “How can you do that kind of work? Isn’t it awfully depressing?” This always makes me smile, which may be inappropriate for such a serious question.  On the contrary, I feel that there is so much that can be done to help people coping with a serious condition that the rewards to all concerned…patient, family and caregivers…can produce a great deal of relief and even satisfaction.

I know that all of the hospice workers: nurses, social workers, chaplains, volunteers, office staff, physicians, and administrative staff feel the same as I do.  To watch pain be replaced by comfort, anxiety by relaxation, insomnia by sleep, anger and fear by peace…these are the rewards hospice workers experience. Certainly we all grieve the deaths of patients we have come to know and love. We grieve with the family and friends who have given so much to their loved one. Yet our sense of loss is replaced by the satisfaction of knowing that we made a difference. We helped to make things better for the patient and the family. What a tremendous honor to be a part of that.

As painful as it was to watch, I realized that within that crushing defeat was the secret to greatness. Most people, if they are honest, really want to be great at something. If people were given the choice to be great at one thing, almost everyone would choose something. A great singer, athlete, business man, doctor, artist, or a thousand other things. But why do most people never achieve greatness? I believe it’s because the secret to being great at anything requires the courage to be horrible at first.

The fear of being horrible at something is what keeps most people from ever being great at anything. Fear tells us we’ll look dumb when giving our first speech so we never give one. We’re afraid of failing and letting people down so we never start that business we’ve dreamed of. Fear of failure is common to man, but those who achieve great things understand that failing to make the attempt is the real failure. They understand that doing nothing leads to nothing – least of all success.

The thing we forget is that if we’ve never tried something, of course we should be horrible at it. My 10 year old is being taught the fundamentals of basketball for the very first time. She played against another team in a real game for the very first time a few weeks ago. Her team is not good, nor should they be. They are learning. They have yet to win a game but they are doing the only thing that gives them the possibility of a win – they’re playing. We all want the win but too often fear keeps us off the playing field.

There are amazing people with amazing talents sitting on the sidelines of life because of fear. They know what they want to be great at, but fear of failing or simply being bad at something keeps them from ever taking the first step. Maybe you’ve been there before, or maybe you’re there now. Stop beating yourself up if you don’t feel like an expert at something yet. Stop abandoning all your plans just because things don’t go perfectly on the first try.

Decide that you’re going to be ok with being horrible at something in the beginning. It’s the only way to truly ever be great at anything.

What do you think? What are some ways to overcome fear to start something new?

An analysis of end-of-life data on 4500 adults showed that patients who received hospice care lived 29 days longer, on average, than patients who did not (J Pain Symtpom Management 2007:33:238-246).  The benefit was most pronounced for congestive heart failure and cancers of the lung, pancreas, and colon.

While most people, including physicians, are surprised when I tell them about this study, those of us in hospice are not.  These patients are almost always receiving much more care than they would normally.  It’s easy to see that patients on hospice have better access to things like medications, medical equipment, and many more eyes and ears following their progress.  Symptoms such as pain, nausea, and shortness of breath are better controlled.  Many studies have shown that uncontrolled pain hastens death, probably by increasing stress hormones that increase risk of blood clots, heart failure, infections, and can accelerate tumor growth.  Hospice patients also spend fewer days in the hospital and therefore have less exposure to infections.  Perhaps more importantly, patients have access to psychosocial and spiritual support that dramatically improves quality of life.

I can’t tell you how many times someone has expressed gratitude about the incredible impact hospice had on their loved one and his or her family.  Unfortunately, this is almost always followed by, “If only we had known, we would have started months sooner.”  Hospice is never about “doing less” overall.  Like I have said so many times, the goals of care may change, but there is still a lot to do.

Larry Cox, a Solaris chaplain from Bowie, Texas, recently received Bowie’s 2011 Citizen of the Year Award. He is an amazing servant of God and always puts others first.

Larry moved to Bowie in the ’70s. Several years prior to that, he had married the love of his life and they started their family. Then he answered the call of God on his life. Once accepting God’s calling, Larry began to serve others young and old. In working with the older generation, he was blessed by another individual who strongly encouraged him to finish his college degree. Once he completed this goal, he then achieved his master’s and doctorate degrees in a career field that would open the door to helping others in an even greater capacity than ever before. The gift of helping others and the ability to serve with undying compassion and love are great reasons why this honor was given.

He has served as a leader among his family and congregation, as a board member of MHMR, on the city council and various other boards and committees. He also has the gift of hospitality and success in entertaining the soul and the pallate at a very unique restaraunt called Nostalgia. The award presenter summed up Larry well.

“He has a kind demeanor, unique charisma, and much compassion along with the ability to listen, to show empathy, and to care for the whole person. All of these traits are a part of the package that made him Citizen of the Year.”

He has spent a lifetime of “going the extra mile” for others. He is blessed by his wife of forty-one years, a daughter and son-in-law, and now grandchildren. Larry is someone who is currently fulfilling one of the most important duties of his lifetime as a chaplain for Solaris.  He is a former city mayor, a man after God’s heart, and a true citizen. He is instrumental in his desire to serve his patients, families, staff, and community. We, at Solaris, are very honored and privileged to have Larry as a part of our family.

Congratulations Larry!!

When patients are given a terminal diagnosis of six months or less to live it brings all of life into perspective. It makes you focus only on those things in life that are most precious and close to you, like family. In hospice, patients making memories with their families at the end of their lives are gold treasures that will be passed down for generations to come. At Solaris we call it celebrating life. Investing in those things that matter the most – people.

So what kind of memories am I talking about? In hospice, many patients and families make special memories for their loved ones. Sometimes it means a sweet letter from a father to his estranged daughter asking for forgiveness over past hurts. It may be a wife visiting her husband who has Alzheimer’s disease in the nursing home even though he does not know who she is anymore. Then one day a week before he passes away he tells her, “thank you for taking care of me all these years.” A precious family at the bedside of their imminent mother singing together as she passes away. A young dying father leaving his children a video of his life so they will always have something to remember him by when they grow into adulthood. These are just a few of those things that at Solaris we call, “planting your roots down in the tree of life.” Cherishing those moments with your family, friends, neighbors, even a stranger can make a difference.

Maybe in this new year in this passage we call “life” we will seek to not take relationships for granted and give value to what really matters most. Imagine in just one day all the people that cross your path. Is there anything we can do to make their lives better? We all have an impact that can change lives for the better. It is a servant’s heart, a willingness to invest in others.

The little girl in the lyrics will grow up one day and share those same memories with her children. What a treasure to pass along to others. Time is a tickin’ so what will you do today to make life worth living?

Cotton Perkins November 2010

The family was told and over the next several months all the children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, other relatives, and longtime friends made their way to his house to spend as much time as we could together. Trips to Lake Nocona for some bass fishing or up to Oklahoma for Dr. Peppers at his favorite little casino were the norm. In late October when he could no longer make those trips with us, we decided it was time to call hospice.

I had known Andy Milligan, an owner of Solaris Hospice, for some time having played with him on our church praise and worship team.  So when the choice was made, I let my parents know that Solaris came highly recommended. The nursing team of Dana Skinner and June Baker in Bowie were incredible. They were kind, caring, and kept us well informed of everything that was happening. They helped my parents, especially my step-mother, make the transition through one of the most difficult times of her life and for that I personally will be forever grateful.

When a position opened at Solaris for a new web developer, Steve Lorenz came to me personally and told me about it. Sometimes we in the IT field feel a bit of a detachment because we don’t always get to see the effects of the applications we develop. I knew that upon accepting this position that wouldn’t be the case. I knew the heart of Solaris and its staff and knew that no matter how small of an effect I could make on the web or an application, I would be contributing to the same caring culture that had impacted my family the year before.

My grandfather, Cotton Perkins, passed away in December 2010, peacefully, in his home in Nocona, Texas surrounded by family. I’m proud to be a part of the group of people that allowed us the opportunity to have those last few weeks with him.

When it comes to sports there is a clear line of distinction between professionals and everyone else. The professional level in any sport is something only a select few ever attain. The official term for those who never reach the professional level is amateur. Unfortunately, there is a widespread misunderstanding of exactly what the word amateur means. Most people associate the word with a lack of skill or a beginner; someone who’s not good enough to be called professional. But consider the true primary definition of the word amateur:

a person who engages in a study, sport, or other activity for pleasure rather than for financial benefit or professional reasons.

The biggest difference between an amateur and a professional lies in the heart. The amateur plays the game because of the love he has for it. He does so without the expectation or motivation of payment. The heart of an amateur drives him to be better, improve his skill level, or increase his knowledge because he simply love doing so. It is said that Bobby Jones, the famous golfer who still holds the record for winning all four major tournaments in a single year, refused to turn professional for this very reason. His love for the game had nothing to do with money.

The heart of an amateur can of course be present in a professional. I believe this to be the case with hospice professionals. Everyday you care for patients and their families with great passion. You relentlessly pursue a quality of life for your patients with the heart of an amateur, and that is a great thing. The vast majority of the time hospice professionals are paid and by no means am I advocating it should be otherwise. My hope is simply that you never get so wrapped up with being a hospice professional that you lose the heart of an amateur.

As with any great passion, sport or otherwise, there are elements of hospice work that are tedious, frustrating, and exhausting. The professional would rather avoid these less enjoyable parts of hospice care but the amateur knows they are part of what drives her love for what she does. Not because of the exhaustion or frustration itself but because of the end result of a comfortable patient or a peaceful family. Professionals who possess the heart of an amateur love what they do because they simply have a passion for it that can’t be quenched by occasional frustration or exhaustion.

As the hospice profession continues to mature in skills and knowledge, one thing remains sure. This very special area of care, of which we call ourselves professionals, will always require a strong passion and love for what we do. Always strive for the excellence of professionalism but never do so without the heart of an amateur.